Ted Lapidus Pour Homme

Allow me to begin this review by saying that Ted Lapidus is the Chuck Norris of masculine fragrances. You don't wear Ted Lapidus. Ted wears you and if you show him some regard, he'll wear you well.

This 1987 release is actually the 2nd incarnation of Lapidus coming approximately a decade after the original. To me, this is a variation of Kouros and Balenciaga, but with a dominant pineapple note that permeates all 3 accords. Even the bottle has similarities.

Lapidus Pour Homme has stratospheric sillage and longevity and opens with a kevlar-like accord of citrus, berry and of course pineapple. This is so dense, you could wear it like a protective vest. It has spice in there as well and tilts slightly green from basil. If you're not expecting this, it will be equivalent to a roundhouse kick to the head, Ted Lapidus style. Ted has standing orders to take no prisoners and those orders come directly from Chuck Norris.

In spite of all this, fear not to wear Ted. Ted only gets really rambunctious when you depress the spray nozzle more than 2 times. You also need to stand back away from the sprayer when applying this volatile brew. When I wear Ted, I have Mrs. Aromi stand on a chair, hold the bottle as high as she can and then spray into the air. I wait 3 seconds and then sprint through the mist. I also have permission from Chuck himself to do this.

The heart accord is so full of heavy hitters that I once heard the mafia tried to use Ted Lapidus to knock off a rival. One of the button men made the mistake of trying it first and woke up 2 days later in I.C.U. There was a vase of flowers and a card there for him from Chuck. They promptly went back to using firearms. It was safer.

The base is just as tough as its opening cronies. There's honey and tobacco, amber and patchouli, tonka and musk, moss, sandal, cedar and Chuck knows what else.

I have no choice but to give a thumbs up for Ted Lapidus because I like my thumbs and need them to do reviews in the future. Someone please send a copy of this to Mr. Norris.